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Williams and comedy's dark side
8/12/2014 11:55:40 AM
- While widely-regarded as one of the funniest men alive, Williams was battling depression
- Many comics are commonly known to have a darker side
- "We lose at least one great comic to suicide or ODs every year," tweeted comedian Michael Ian Black
(CNN) -- By tradition, Drama is represented by two masks: the happy face of the comic muse Thalia and her sad counterpart, the tragic muse Melpomene.
If Drama were Robin Williams, you'd need a million more.
He was a mask of howling laughter, a mask of wide-eyed innocence. A sneer. A frown. Even, at times, a blank.
If it seemed like we knew what went on behind the many masks, it was because Williams' quicksilver mind and boundless talent possessed enough energy to blow them right off his face. He WAS Mork. He WAS Adrian Cronauer of "Good Morning, Vietnam." He WAS Patch Adams, and "Aladdin's" genie, and Mrs. Doubtfire.
But he was also the restrained Garp in "The World According to Garp," and the creepy Seymour Parrish in "One Hour Photo," and the firm but compassionate Sean Maguire in "Good Will Hunting," the performance that won him an Oscar.
It was that side of Williams -- something raw and vulnerable, not something manic and boisterous -- that made you wonder: who was he when he took off the mask?
On Monday, Williams was found dead in his home in Tiburon, California. He was 63. Coroner investigators suspect "the death to be a suicide due to asphyxia," according to a statement from the Marin County, California, Sheriff's Office.
It's a cliché, of course, the clown who laughs on the outside while crying -- or dying -- on the inside. It's Pavarotti's Pagliacci and Charlie Chaplin's Little Tramp; Willy Wonka and Laurence Olivier's Archie Rice.
Show business history is filled with stories of comic kings who fought against depression and substance abuse, not always successfully. Jonathan Winters, Williams' hero, was institutionalized for a time. The effortless Dick Van Dyke once said he was "mostly drunk for 15 years." John Belushi and Chris Farley died of overdoses.
Mitch Hedberg, Freddie Prinze, Richard Jeni -- all funny men, all gone before their time.
There's no question that comedy can be a form of escape -- and recognition. Richard Pryor, one of the most brilliant comedians who ever strode on stage, was raised in a brothel, married multiple times, struggled with demons both societal and personal. He was ruthless -- especially on himself.
Yet he was scathingly, mercilessly funny. It was comedy that drew blood, comedy as catharsis.
Chris Farley, on the other hand, grew up in a close-knit, comfortable clan -- but also sometimes seemed to be running from something. His immersion in Matt Foley, the divorced motivational speaker who lived in a "van down by the river," was both hilarious and a little scary.
"We lose at least one great comic to suicide or ODs every year," tweeted comedian Michael Ian Black on Monday. "Our jobs are to communicate, but we seem to not know how to ask for help."
Williams, the son of an auto company executive and a model, was remarkably open about his own battles. He was a chubby, bullied child who found he could make others laugh. Later, on talk shows, he could be outrageously stream-of-consciousness, a bicycle careening down a hill without any brakes -- and, just as quickly, brutally honest, admitting to sadnesses and abuses and mistakes.
"His bearing is intensely Zen and almost mournful, and when he's not putting on voices he speaks in a low, tremulous baritone -- as if on the verge of tears -- that would work very well if he were delivering a funeral eulogy," wrote Decca Aitkenhead, who interviewed him for the UK Guardian in 2010.
Inevitably, he'd make light of the problem -- the great line, "Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you make too much money," is his -- but underneath there was a sense of a man wrestling with demons, a man wishing to put on another mask in an attempt to scare them away. It is a mask that perhaps only the most blameless of us have never tried on.
But if it's another cliché that comedians hide anger under all those laughs, Williams didn't fit the stereotype. With him, what was underneath was compassion.
It showed in his performances, notably the therapist in "Good Will Hunting." It showed in his participation in such causes as Comic Relief, which raised money for the homeless, and in his USO tours, entertaining troops in Kuwait, Afghanistan and Iraq.
Celebrities remember Robin Williams
He'd had open-heart surgery several years ago, and it made him reflect on mortality.
"It breaks through your barrier, you've literally cracked the armor. And you've got no choice, it literally breaks you open," he told the Guardian.
Sure, there were performances in which he seemed less than kind -- whether on screen, as a villain in "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," or in his real life, with messy divorces that he described, with perhaps a touch of bitterness, as "ripping your heart out through your wallet."
Given all that, who wouldn't want to put on Thalia's mask, with laughter riding across the audience in waves, approval on demand, smiles all around? Robin Williams wore it well.
It's sad that, in the end, he exited with Melpomene.
Complete coverage on Robin Williams
See more comedy content at CNN Comedy.
Pentagon: Marines, spec ops 'advisers' being sent to Iraq
8/12/2014 7:49:40 PM
- NEW: About 130 military U.S. advisers are being dispatched to Iraq, officials say
- NEW: The advisers will be made up of Marines and special operations forces
- NEW: "This is not a combat boots on the ground operation," defense secretary says
- NEW: Residents in Baghdad riot following car bomb explosion, police officials say
Faysh Khabur, Iraq (CNN) -- The United States is sending more troops to northern Iraq, a move that U.S. officials told CNN on Tuesday is necessary to help in the rescue of tens of thousands of Yazidis trapped in the mountains by extremists who have vowed to kill them.
About 130 Marines and special operations forces have been dispatched to Irbil, U.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel said, adding to the hundreds already in the country advising Iraqi troops in their fight against the Islamic State, formerly known as the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.
"Very specifically, this is not a combat boots on the ground operation. We are not going to have that kind of operation," Hagel said during an address at Camp Pendleton, a Marine base in California.
"But short of that, there are some things we can continue to do and we are doing."
Word of the additional American support came as embattled Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki ordered his troops to stay out of the political battle being waged in Baghdad, where he has vowed to hold on to power.
Al-Maliki has vowed to fight the nomination of Haider al-Abadi, a man who has the support of the United States and Iran. The new Prime Minister-designate is the deputy speaker of the Iraqi Parliament and a former aide to al-Maliki.
The United States hopes the designate will form a government quickly and build a united front against ISIS rebels, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said.
Helicopter crashes during Yazidi rescue
The political turmoil has been playing out against the backdrop of a growing humanitarian crisis, with hundreds of thousands of Iraq's minority ethnic and religious minorities -- Yazidis, Christians, Kurds and others -- fleeing ISIS fighters.
Nowhere is the crisis more evident than the Sinjar Mountains, where an estimated 40,000 minority Yazidis are hiding from the Sunni extremist fighters after fleeing their homes.
Yazidis are considered one of the world's smallest and oldest monotheistic religious minorities, a pre-Islamic sect based in Zoroastrianism that draws from Hinduism, Christianity and Judaism.
An Iraqi helicopter bringing aid to the group crashed after making its food and water drop and picking up roughly two dozen Yazidis.
The pilot died in the crash, but others survived, the Kurdistan Regional Government said. Kurdish rescue crews transported them to safety, bringing the injured to hospitals, the government said.
The military cited "technical failure" in the crash of the MI-17. Fuad Hussein, the Kurdish Regional Government's chief of staff, told CNN the crash appeared to have been caused by pilot error.
Survivors included a woman who has come to symbolize the struggles of Yazidis. Vian Dakhil, the only Yazidi in Parliament, made a heart-wrenching appeal to the Iraqi government last week for help in stopping the slaughter of her people.
New York Times journalist Alissa Rubin suffered "a concussion, at least one broken wrist and possibly some broken ribs but was conscious," The Times reported. Freelance photographer Adam Ferguson "said via cellphone text that he suffered a sore jaw and some minor bumps," the newspaper reported.
Three helicopters are being used by the Iraqi military to reach the desperate Yazidi families who fled to the mountains more than a week ago, Hussein said.
Yazidi plight
The plight of the Yazidis, coupled with the ISIS assault against Iraq's semiautonomous Kurdish region, prompted the United States to begin targeted airstrikes against ISIS.
Airstrikes in northern Iraq have helped Iraqi troops and the Kurdish fighting force, known as the peshmerga, to carry out the missions.
Until recently, the Kurdish region as considered the most stable in Iraq. The Kurds gained semiautonomous rule after the Iraq War.
The deployment of more U.S. military advisers to northern Iraq comes as the Obama administration is looking to boost the capabilities of Kurdish forces.
On Tuesday, the U.S. military carried out airstrikes against ISIS mortar positions north of Sinjar, the military's Central Command said. ISIS had been firing on Kurdish forces that were defending Yazidis who were trying to flee the area, Central Command said.
"ISIS has all sorts of sophisticated weapons," Hussein said.
ISIS, previously known as al Qaeda in Iraq, seized a large number of U.S.-made weapons and vehicles after Iraqi military units in Iraq's second largest city of Mosul abandoned their posts and fled ahead of the militant advance.
The group has tanks, armored vehicles, artillery and more, Hussein said.
"We need either the same kinds of weapons, or more sophisticated weapons, so that we can beat ISIS," he said.
'Heroic' mission rescues desperate Yazidis from ISIS
Treacherous journey for Yazidis
If the United States participates in the evacuation of the Yazidis, it may have to work with a group it designated a terrorist organization -- the PKK, also known as Kurdistan Workers Party. The PKK launched a guerrilla war against neighboring Turkey nearly 30 years ago, with an initial goal of establishing an independent Kurdish state.
Hundreds of Yazidis managed to make it on foot down from Mount Sinjar, northward into Syria, in a region controlled by Kurds.
They managed to trek along the border to a crossing point back into Iraq, where a CNN crew saw a number of them arrive Tuesday.
"If you're running for your life, you'll do it. You have no other choice," one elderly man told CNN in describing how he made it with his wife, children and grandchildren.
A number of those who made the treacherous trek off the mountain told CNN that PKK fighters control parts of the mountain, and they fed and protected them from ISIS.
Aid organizations and representatives of the Kurdistan regional government met some of the arrivals with sandwiches and bottles of water.
A U.N. affiliate had buses transporting some people into town. But most of those arriving will have to figure out where to go on their own -- and some told CNN they planned to camp out along the river at the crossing point into Iraq.
While a humanitarian crisis played out in northern Iraq, a series of car bombs ripped through Baghdad.
At least 15 people were killed and dozens wounded in two car bombings, including one near a hospital in the city's Karrada district.
Dozens of angry residents took to the streets following the bombing, blaming Iraqi security forces for not doing enough to protect them, police officials told CNN.
The residents chased the security forces, who withdrew from the area, and then they tore down a security checkpoint, officials said.
Who are the Yazidis? Why does ISIS want to kill them?
'A catastrophe': Yazidi survivor recalls horror of evading ISIS
CNN's Ivan Watson reported from Faysh Khabur, Iraq; Barbara Starr from Washington; and Chelsea J. Carter reported and wrote from Atlanta. CNN's Jason Hanna, Josh Levs, Hamdi Alkhshali, Mohammed Tawfeeq, Gul Tuysuz and Nick Paton Walsh contributed to this report.
Should we use unproven drugs?
8/12/2014 7:19:30 AM
- 40 years after its discovery, there are no licensed treatments or vaccines for Ebola
- Ethically, a vaccine for Ebola can only be trialled for effectiveness during an outbreak
- Vaccines are better trialled in high-risk groups, including healthcare workers, say experts
Vital Signs is a monthly program bringing viewers health stories from around the world.
(CNN) -- Ebola virus disease is sweeping across West Africa in the largest outbreak of the virus to date. Mortality rates are currently at 60% in a disease where up to 90% of infected people can die. But despite this lethality there remain no licensed treatments or vaccines available, nearly 40 years after the disease was first discovered.
In March, Ebola was reported for the first time in Guinea, West Africa, in districts that border neighboring Liberia and Sierra Leone. This proximity meant that unlike previous outbreaks in other parts of Africa, the usually remote Ebola virus had the opportunity to cross borders. With residents migrating back and forth, it did just that. Four months later the outbreak has reached unprecedented scales, with 1,093 people infected and 660 deaths attributed to the virus.
"This is clearly an outbreak across international borders and it has not been handled properly," explains David Heymann, professor of infectious disease epidemiology at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (LSHTM), who was on-site at the first human Ebola outbreak in 1976.
He says the 24 known outbreaks of Ebola to date have shown that it should be easily controlled. "It's not rocket science to control these outbreaks but instead basic epidemiology: infection control, hygiene practices, contact-tracing and safe burial practices," says Heymann of the virus, which is transmitted through contact with bodily fluids. "Ebola is its own worst enemy, it's too lethal and cannot sustain its own spread."
But whilst it should be easily contained, this time something has gone wrong. The Guinean and Liberian capital cities were reached exposing many more to the virus and making those infected and their contacts harder to trace and isolate. The outbreak has been described as "out of control" by Doctors without Borders -- so why is there no other approach?
Opinion: Why Ebola epidemic is spinning out of control
The usual response in disease outbreaks is to use drugs to treat those infected and stop them transmitting to others, in combination with vaccines that protect those exposed and slow down, or halt, the spread of a virus through a population by enabling herd immunity. But there are no licensed drugs or vaccines for use against Ebola as its periodic, remote and usually small-scale nature means there has not been a big enough market, nor the ability to conduct large-scale trials in humans exposed to the disease.
The biology of the virus also makes it challenging to develop vaccines that create a strong enough immune response; the occurrence of multiple forms of the virus means an immune response is needed against all of them, and Ebola's ability to replicate rapidly means it could equally rapidly evolve resistance to the vaccine.
Dr Jeremy Farrar, Wellcome Trust
Despite these challenges, there are vaccines being developed by a range of organizations, including the vaccine research center at the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) -- and some argue that an outbreak is the perfect time to trial them.
"It would be unethical not to acknowledge that potential new treatments could both save lives and reduce transmission in this and future outbreaks," says Dr Jeremy Farrar, director of global charitable foundation the Wellcome Trust. Farrar has recently called for new approaches to be used in controlling the outbreak as no other opportunity will enable the further development of new treatments or vaccines.
"Any new intervention must have preclinical safety and efficacy data and Phase I safety data in healthy volunteers," he says describing the slow progression of phases involved in pharmaceutical development, "But ultimately there can be no Phase II (vaccine efficacy) data in Ebola other than that acquired during an epidemic."
Read: What is Ebola and why does it kill?
Peter Piot, director of the LSHTM, who co-discovered Ebola during its first outbreak, agrees with Farrar. "In general I believe that this continuing outbreak is a rare opportunity to evaluate the effectiveness of experimental drugs," he says, but stresses, "as long as all ethical standards are respected, and as long as it does not create more problems for controlling the outbreak, since medical experiments may decrease even more trust in health authorities and add to hostility to healthcare workers."
Piot is referring to resistance from affected communities towards healthcare workers and health officials who enter their villages dressed in astronaut-like quarantine clothing and ask them to change their cultural practices such as burials, where the traditional cleaning of bodies puts those mourning at risk of transmission. Long-standing mistrust exists towards governments and ministries of health, leading to healthcare staff having rocks thrown at them, being threatened by machetes and facing general aggression, according to a World Health Organization (WHO) spokesperson.
Tensions between those controlling the outbreak and those affected by it mean trialling vaccines in outbreak communities is not supported by WHO officials on the ground. "Using an experimental vaccine on human beings in the middle of an outbreak in this case would not be ethical, feasible, or wise," according to the WHO. But there remain other avenues.
"The vaccines are likely safe and effective but aren't used by public health teams and they won't use them without adequate trials," explains Dr Peter Walsh, from the University of Cambridge, who is developing vaccines for use in non-human primates such as chimpanzees and gorillas who are also victims of the virus. Walsh's vaccines have shown a good immune response when trialled in chimpanzees and he suggests trialling human vaccines incrementally in healthcare workers rather than the mass population.
Dr Peter Walsh, University of Cambridge
"Healthcare workers are at the greatest risk and are hubs of infection who are likely to spread it to others," he says. "The risk of dying from the vaccine is tiny compared to dying from Ebola and unlike communities, healthcare workers would understand the risks better and should be able to give informed consent."
Read: Ebola doctor contracts the virus
This approach is supported by the NIAID, whose Ebola vaccine programs have progressed the furthest. "We are supporting a number of vaccines and they are all in a roughly similar position and getting ready for Phase I trials for safety," says Dr Mike Kurilla, director of their Office of Biodefense Research Resources and Translational Research.
"If these make it through testing what we're likely to see in future outbreaks is healthcare workers and outbreak investigators taking the vaccine under informed consent," Kurilla explains. "Working with those at the highest risk will enable you to see if the vaccine has an impact."
It is too late in this outbreak for vaccines to have enough of a preventative impact, but Ebola will emerge again in the future. If safety can be proven, the stockpiling of vaccines could improve the outcome of future outbreaks.
"Vaccines enable a preparative framework to be established rather than a reactive one," explains Heymann. "But firstly it must be shown to be safe in humans."
The ability to control future epidemics may depend on it.
Opinion: Why Ebola epidemic is spinning out of control
Read: What is Ebola and why does it kill?
Read: Ebola - the facts
Make positive changes in your life
8/13/2014 3:23:35 AM
- To get a song out of your head, try singing it through all the way
- Don't cancel your old phone service before your new one is activated
- When changing careers, first assess your natural talents and personality
(CNN) -- Here are some easy tips on how to improve everything, from your dinner order to your career.
How to Change the Song in Your Head
You've been singing the theme to "The Love Boat" for hours now, and you're becoming unmoored. If a song is on an unfinished loop, "sing it through all the way, or listen to the entire song, to achieve completion," says James Kellaris, Ph.D., a professor of marketing at the University of Cincinnati, who studies why catchy tunes -- called "earworms" -- stick in your head.
"If you can't remember all the words or how it ends, rewrite the ending. Sometimes appending a Beethoven coda or even just 'Shave and a haircut, two bits' will do the trick."
If you can't banish it, replace it. That works for Ron Dante, one of the lead voices behind the insanely catchy Coke jingle "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing."
"I substitute a Beatles song, like 'Help!' or 'Let It Be'―both of which say something about what we need at that moment," he says. If the eraser tune gets lodged in your brain, too, he adds, "listen either to complex music, like Mozart, or unfamiliar music that lacks a hook, like New Age."
RealSimple.com: 11 fun things to do on a rainy day
How to Change Your Hairdresser
The only thing worse than breaking down over a bad haircut is breaking up with your regular stylist.
"The polite thing to do is to let him know you're leaving," says Sue Fox, author of "Etiquette for Dummies." If you don't want to call, write a note. And be specific. "Maybe the truth is you can never get in to see him, you need to go to someone less expensive, or you just want a change," Fox says.
Whatever the reasons, don't fret too much.
"We're tougher than people think," says Manhattan-based hairdresser Oscar Bond. "You're a paying customer -- you can do what you want."
Still, Los Angeles stylist Charles Dujic recommends leaving on good terms for practical reasons. "Often it's more of a break than a breakup," he says. "More times than not, clients who leave end up coming back."
If they don't, maybe it's just as well.
"Sometimes," says New York City hairdresser Todd Bush, "we're just as happy to take a break from a long-term client as you are to take a break from us."
How to Change Your Cell Phone Carrier
Yes, it's now possible to change cell-phone carriers without changing your number, but don't expect radical improvements. Most major American cellular companies offer similar rates and deals, says James Hood, president of ConsumerAffairs.com, which covers consumer fraud. Where they vary is in their coverage in certain areas.
"Seek out people who get good service -- on the street, in the mall -- and ask what company they're using," Hood suggests.
Before switching, make sure your contract is up or you'll be hit with an early termination fee, which may be as much as a couple of hundred dollars, says Jennifer Walsh, a spokesperson for Sprint.
For a smooth transition, don't cancel your old account before your new one is activated.
"Once you close it," Walsh warns, "your number goes back into a pool, and you can lose it." And don't trust the new company to cancel your old account for you.
"Often," Hood says, "they say they'll take care of it, and they just don't."
RealSimple.com: How to tell if someone is lying
How to Change Your Room Layout
If you want a new outlook, move some furniture. The first step is to create a new focal point, says interior designer Ron Renner, founder of Certified Interior Decorators International. Consider an armoire or a fireplace, and arrange chairs and side tables around it. Renner isn't a fan of rakish angles.
"Putting couches on the diagonal wastes space," he says.
When placing furniture, Natasha Younts, CEO of the Designer Society of America, follows the "three-feet rule": "If you want to put a drink down on a coffee table, you shouldn't have to reach more than three feet from the couch," she says. "And a pass-through area should be at least three feet wide."
After you change a layout, observe how people use it.
"We all flow toward the space that looks easiest and most appealing," Younts says. "If guests aren't entering the living room, maybe the couch is a barrier. If they're not using the path you created through the room, expand it to help direct them."
RealSimple.com: How to make lifestyle changes
How to Change Your Sleep Schedule
If you're going to eat a balanced breakfast, go running, and save the world by 10 a.m., you really should wake up earlier. But don't try to change overnight.
"Go to bed five minutes earlier each night and wake up five minutes earlier every day" until you reach your goal, says Timothy Monk, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School, who is leading a NASA study to find the best way of shifting astronauts' sleep schedules.
If you're changing time zones, "mitigate jet lag before you travel," says Margaret Rappaport, a sleep-training specialist. If you're flying from San Francisco (Pacific time) to Boston (Eastern time), "sleep on Central time in the days before the flight," she says. Once in Beantown, immediately adopt the local schedule.
For a drastic change in routine -- say, a switch to the graveyard shift -- try to trick nature.
"When you want to be awake, keep rooms bright," Monk says. "And minimize daylight exposure before sleep by wearing dark glasses outside and dimming lights inside."
How to Change Your Style
Somewhere between the fall of shoulder pads and the rise of low-cut jeans, you may have lost your flair. If so, shop for a style before shopping for clothes.
"Go through magazines and tear out pictures of women whose looks you admire," says Laura Nannix, director of studio services for Barneys New York.
Once among the racks, begin with the item you'll wear most. For example, for a polished look, "start with fantastic fitted trousers in black or navy," says Nannix. If you're feeling drab, try a brightly colored blazer. And don't be shy about using a department store's personal shopper, whose services are usually free.
Coats and handbags can have a big impact, says Jeanne Yang, a fashion stylist in New York City and Los Angeles. "They're the first reflection of your personality that many people see," she says.
As for your face, clip photos of women whose hair and makeup you like, then bring them to a salon. Even if a cut is wrong for your features, your stylist will see what you're aiming for.
RealSimple.com: What does your handwriting say about you?
How to Change Your Computer Password for the Better
It may bring a smile to your face to use FluffytheCat as a password, but you won't be smiling when it's been cracked faster than you can type it. Pets' names, car names, last names followed by 1, anything Trekkie, and the word password are particularly vulnerable.
"Good passwords are a minimum of eight characters and contain numbers, symbols, or punctuation," says George Shaffer, the creator of Geodsoft.com, a website that offers comprehensive advice on passwords.
To make yours easy to remember, "don't use a password -- use a pass phrase," says Ralph Echemendia, lead instructor and researcher at the Fort Lauderdale-based Intense School, which trains technology professionals. Then replace some of the vowels with symbols: M@ry h@d@littlel@mb is good; 1'm@p00rm@n is better. Best? Passwords with letters and symbols that require you to use the "alt" key.
"As of now," Echemendia says, "those make a password 99% uncrackable."
RealSimple.com: 10 tips for becoming a morning person
How to Change Your Food Order
It's been 15 minutes since you ordered the chicken, but, boy, does that salmon look good. Too late? "It's always worth asking," says Brian Johnson, general manager of Joe's Stone Crab in Miami. "But it is too late if the chef has started cooking something that can't be put back on the grill and won't be ordered by someone else soon -- like a broiled Maine lobster."
If you're still determined to switch, tell your waiter it's OK if you're served last.
"The hardest part is when the change has to be expedited to keep up," says Tracey Spillane, partner and general manager at Spago Beverly Hills. If you want something else once your food has been served, "we'd prefer to hear that it wasn't what you expected and wasn't to your taste, as opposed to hearing it was the worst thing ever," Spillane says.
"But we'll get you what you want, because we want you to be happy." Maurice Rouas, owner of Fleur de Lys, in San Francisco, adds, "Be mindful of how you say things. We always appreciate politeness."
RealSimple.com: 50 great books that will change your life
How to Change Someone Else's Mind
The essential rule when trying to convert someone is: Don't -- at least, not at first. "Just listen," says Dennis Ross, former Middle East envoy and author of "The Missing Peace." "It shows respect and allows you to learn."
This approach applies whether the subject is peace between the Israelis and Palestinians or that orange plaid sofa your husband wants to buy. After listening, show that you get it.
"Tell your husband you understand he loves the couch because it's big enough for the whole family to watch movies from," says Catherine Cardinal, a psychologist and the author of "A Cure for the Common Life." "If you're negative, he'll defend it more."
Next, nudge the other person to see your side. "I used to ask the Israelis what the Palestinians might accept, and vice versa," Ross says, "to make them more sensitive to each other's thinking."
Then gently, imperceptibly, introduce a new outcome. "Everyone needs an explanation to tell others," Ross says, "and it's best if the other person thinks he came up with it."
How to Change Your Career
Doing what you love is more practical than you think. If you're trying to find your calling, "the most important factors to look at are your natural talents and your personality," says Nicholas Lore, director of the Rockport Institute, a career-coaching firm in Rockville, Maryland. Richard Bolles, author of "What Color Is Your Parachute?", suggests making two lists: one with your top-five skills, the other with your five favorite fields. Show your list around zealously.
"You'll typically get many job suggestions," Bolles says.
For an intermediary shift, he says, "either change your title and keep the field, or keep your title and change the field." He cites an aspiring pilot with poor vision who ended up working for the airlines by making airplane seats.
Anne Steiner, director of the Seattle office of the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation, which conducts aptitude tests, says to "volunteer or get a part-time job to learn from people in the industry you're interested in." Soon you'll be one of them.
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Clinton, Obama both wrong?
8/13/2014 3:26:48 AM
- Timothy Stanley: Hillary Clinton criticized Obama on foreign policy in magazine interview
- Stanley: She'd have been more aggressive. Particularly in Arab world, her critique has point
- He says Obama appears to have hung back, but America didn't want military adventuring
- Stanley: A candidate must show U.S. they know what's worth fighting for
Editor's note: Timothy Stanley is a historian and columnist for Britain's Daily Telegraph. He is the author of the new book "Citizen Hollywood: How the Collaboration Between L.A. and D.C. Revolutionized American Politics." The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.
(CNN) -- In the absence of any serious Democratic opposition, Hillary Clinton appears to have decided to run against Barack Obama in the 2016 primaries. An interview with Jeffrey Goldberg in the Atlantic revealed her frustrations with the over-caution of the White House. Its maxim "don't do stupid stuff" might display post-Bush wisdom, says Clinton, but it also betrays a lack of a plan: "Great nations need organizing principles, and 'Don't do stupid stuff' is not an organizing principle," she said.
Clinton would have gone harder into Syria, for example, and armed the democratic opposition early on. The message is that while Obama has somewhat withdrawn America from global war games, she would like it to take a lead. Annie Oakley is back.
At the time the interview was conducted, poor Clinton could not have known that events were about to blunt her criticism. (A spokesman for Clinton said Tuesday that Clinton "called President Obama to make sure he knows that nothing she said was an attempt to attack him, his policies, or his leadership," according to Politico.)
Now that U.S. planes are bombing Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, forces in northern Iraq and aid is finally reaching the persecuted religious minorities stranded in the wilderness, Obama's defenders could argue that he's displaying exactly the kind of leadership Clinton accuses him of lacking. Yet, her charge still stands.
Consider the wider fate of the Arab world in the past six years. The Arab Spring promised a new era of democracy and better relations with the West. Few of its revolutions worked, many were betrayed by the foreigners who should've been friends. The United States rather arbitrarily decided to help topple Moammar Gadhafi in Libya, resulting in an anarchic situation today that is being exploited by a mix of Islamists and warlords.
The administration was less certain of what it wanted in Egypt, vacillating between support for the protesters to support for the army -- and a failed experiment in Islamic democracy gave way to a return of the generals. In Syria, as Clinton suggests, the United States watched as Bashar al-Assad slaughtered the opposition. In Bahrain, it did worse: Arms sales from America rose prior to the regime's brutal crackdown on protesters. And even as Saudi Arabia continues to export its apocalyptic version of fundamentalist Islam, the U.S. government sells it billions of dollars worth of weapons.
The greatest failure has surely been in Iraq, because it is the country for which America bears the greatest responsibility. Obama's actions over the weekend are necessary and just. The world cannot tolerate the slaughter of thousands of religious minorities, the collapse of Baghdad or the invasion of the Kurdish homeland. So, well done, Obama, for sending in the planes.
But when he was pressed at a press conference on why U.S. troops were not already in Iraq and, by implication, why the United States had stood back as the situation deteriorated, the President economized with the truth. He insisted that it was "not my decision" to withdraw troops.
Yet he ran for office on quitting Iraq in 2008, then celebrated having done so in 2012, even as -- as Patrick Brennan argues in National Review -- Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki was prepared to negotiate on maintaining a U.S. presence. "Maliki was willing to accept a deal with U.S. forces if it was worth it to him — the problem was that the Obama administration wanted a small force so that it could say it had ended the war," he writes. "Having a very small American force wasn't worth the domestic political price Maliki would have to pay for supporting their presence."
In short, Obama's claim that withdrawal from Iraq was forced upon him is hard to believe. He was elected and re-elected as the anti-Iraq war president (it's why he deserves some credit for having the courage to return to the country today).
Clinton is right that Obama has hung back from action. But the very fact that he was elected and then re-elected on a broadly anti-intervention ticket suggests that this is what the people wanted. And therein lies the problem with Clinton's critique. Foreign policy rarely functions separately from the domestic political context: Presidents typically only do what they think they can get away with.
There was appetite for military adventures after 9/11; there is little post-Iraq. That's borne out in the polling and by the lack of political support for action in Syria. It's all very well for Clinton to talk of high-mindedness in pre-primary season, but she'll find that does not go down so well in New Hampshire in 2014 and probably won't be popular in the general election or inside the White House. And rightly so. Had the United States involved itself in the Syrian conflict, it would have been picking sides in a brutal civil war with few heroes to choose from.
So how does the United States -- undoubtedly a "great nation" -- handle foreign crises in an age of doubt? The problem is that no politician, Democrat or Republican, has yet managed to articulate a vision for an America that does believe in things worth fighting for yet which picks its battles with incredible care.
Obama's presidency has been too reactive, Clinton is now laying out a plan that sounds a little too proactive. What a pity that so few are saying, "The U.S. is powerful and, because of that, has a responsibility to support democracy where it can. But we cannot always presume success and history teaches that going it alone comes at a heavy price."
Or, what would be so wrong about pursuing a strategy that asserts that if the United States cannot do much good then it at least will do as little evil as possible -- starting by refusing to provide arms to Arab dictators who torture their own people and export terror?
Alas, all too often the only choice American voters are given is between playing the world's policeman or doing nothing at all. Better to be, as John Kennedy described himself, "an idealist without illusions."
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'Game of Thrones' actor dies
8/12/2014 4:51:54 PM
- Murphy was set to appear in "Game of Thrones"
- He was to play Ser Denys Mallister on the show
- Producers said they won't recast the role
(CNN) -- JJ Murphy, an actor who was set to join the "Game of Thrones" cast, died August 8, his agent said. He was 86.
"I had the pleasure and honour to be his Agent for the last 18 months and have never encountered a man with more spirit, passion and love for his craft," Philip Young said in a statement. "At this time our thoughts are with his family.'
Murphy had been cast in the role of Ser Denys Mallister, the oldest member of the Night's Watch on HBO's hit series. The Belfast Telegraph reported that the actor died just four days after filming his first scenes on "Game of Thrones."
On Monday that show's producers, D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, expressed their condolences in a statement and said they would not be seeking another actor to replace Murphy.
"We will not be recasting J.J. Murphy.," their statement said. "He was a lovely man, and the best Denys Mallister we could have hoped for. And now his watch is ended."
According to a biography provided by his agent, the actor's work was well known in Northern Ireland where "Game of Thrones" films. Murphy trained at the Old Group Drama School in the 1940s and '50s, and was a member of the Arts Theatre Players Company and the early Lyric Players.
He was active in the actors trade union and his work in support of Irish actors won him an honorary lifetime membership with the former British Actors' Equity Association. He also sponsored an orphanage in Romania.
Murphy's last stage appearances was in 2012 at The Lyric Theatre in Belfast, where he acted in a production of Joseph Tomelty's "All Souls Night." He also had a role in the upcoming film "Dracula Untold," which features "Game of Thrones" star Charles Dance.
Murphy is survived by his wife Mary, and two children, Joseph and Jane.
People we've lost in 2014
CNN's Carolyn Sung contributed to this story.
'Massive trauma' killed Nascar racer
8/12/2014 3:58:55 AM
- Investigators are looking at a second video recorded Saturday night, sheriff says
- Medical examiner releases only cause of death, no further details
- Authorities speak with Tony Stewart's representatives
- Kevin Ward Jr. died from injuries after Stewart hit him during a caution lap
(CNN) -- Kevin Ward Jr., a New York sprint car driver who was killed Saturday night after an on-track incident with NASCAR driver Tony Stewart, died of "massive blunt trauma," authorities said Monday
Sheriff Philip C. Povero told reporters that the Ontario County medical examiner finished an autopsy on the 20-year-old driver on Monday.
Povero also said investigators were reviewing a second video of the incident in which Stewart's car struck Ward as the young driver stood on the dirt track after a spin out. Ward died of his injuries before an ambulance arrived at a hospital.
The sheriff said the investigation was progressing well, but gave no timeline as to when it would wrap up.
He reiterated that there was no evidence at this point that a crime has been committed.
Investigators spoke to Stewart's representatives on Monday, the sheriff said. Stewart was interviewed after the incident, authorities have said.
On Saturday night, Ward's sprint car hit the outside wall during lap 14 of a 25-lap race put on by the Empire Super Sprints series at the Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.
A video of the incident shows two cars coming out of a turn with Stewart's No. 14 car sliding up the track toward Ward's No. 13 car. The two cars get close and appear to make contact before Ward's car hits the wall and spins out. Another car narrowly avoids hitting the 13 car as its sits on the track facing the wrong direction.
Ward gets out of his crashed car and walks determinedly on the track toward the race cars, which had slowed for a yellow flag. Ward points a finger and appears to be yelling. One car swerves to avoid Ward on the half-mile dirt track.
Stewart's car passes close to Ward, and it appears that its right rear tire hits him.
The second video was taken from a different angle, the sheriff said without elaborating.
Ward's funeral will be held Thursday, according to an update on the Empire Super Sprints website.
"The entire Ward family sends their sincere thanks to all that has send their heartfelt notes, calls, texts, anything that has been sent their way," the post says, adding the family is "very proud of Kevin."
Stewart express sadness
"There aren't words to describe the sadness I feel about the accident that took the life of Kevin Ward Jr.," Stewart said Sunday, according to a written statement tweeted by NASCAR. "It's a very emotional time for all involved. ... My thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends and everyone affected by this tragedy."
Stewart decided not to take part in Sunday's NASCAR event at Watkins Glen, New York. Whether he competes in this weekend's event is still undecided.
"The decision to compete in this weekend's NASCAR Sprint Cup Series event at Michigan will be Tony's, and he will have as much time as he needs to make that decision. It is still an emotional time for all involved, Tony included. He is grieving, and grief doesn't have a timetable," spokesman Mike Arning said.
Opinion: Why Tony Stewart isn't likely to face charges in racetrack death
Ward began racing at 4
Ward, from Port Leyden, New York, was in his fifth season in the Empire Super Sprints series. He began racing when he was 4, running go-kart events.
A competitor who runs the car that swerved around Ward expressed sympathy.
"Our deepest condolences go to the entire Ward Family. We are one huge ESS family, you will be truly missed bud! #RIP13," Hebing Racing tweeted.
Stewart is a three-time champion in NASCAR's top division and won a sprint car championship in 1995.
He also owns a dirt race track in New Weston, Ohio, and has frequently raced sprint cars, even during the NASCAR season. He broke a leg last year in a sprint car crash that ended his racing season. He has raced the full NASCAR season this year but only returned to sprint cars in July.
In 2013: Injuries as debris flies into Daytona stands during fiery NASCAR crash
Jason Leffler, accomplished race car driver, dies in dirt-track accident
CNN's Dave Close, Chris Welch, Jason Durand, Stephanie Gallman and Joe Sutton contributed to this report.
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